I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Randomize
