Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
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