we have pet lesbian snakes
Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
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