so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
Randomize
