Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
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