I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
Randomize
