After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
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