guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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