Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
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