Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
My Higher Power is John Stamos
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
Omg I joined a choir last night...
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Randomize
