He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
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