You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
Randomize
