Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
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