how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
ttyl tear gas
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
Randomize
