My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
Randomize
