I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
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