we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
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