TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
Randomize
