New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
Randomize
