was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
Blow job season was short but glorious.
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
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