just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Randomize
