I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Randomize
