some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
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