You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
Randomize
