and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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