So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Randomize
