I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Randomize
