i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Randomize
