Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
she looked like the bat from fern gully.
..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
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