I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Shame - the story of my life.
Randomize
