glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
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