tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
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