mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
And then he peed in my hair
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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