took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
Randomize
