i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Randomize
