Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
Need sex. Gaining weight.
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
this is an emotional support booty call
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
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