It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
Randomize
