11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
Randomize
