turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
