btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Randomize
