Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
