I just threw up on my dentist
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
Randomize
