Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
Randomize
