i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
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