dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
Randomize
