I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
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