I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Randomize
