Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
Randomize
