don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
Randomize
