The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
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