...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
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