Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
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