All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
Randomize
