Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
