it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
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