If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
