I look better un-naked...
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
Randomize
