My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
Randomize
