Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
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