I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
So squirting runs in the family.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
Randomize
