Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
why is half of my head shaved?
Randomize
