I don't think your that much of a whore. your like a whore-let. a mini whore.
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
Randomize
