Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
my phone needs a breathalizer
Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
You were trust falling into bushes
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
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