Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
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