the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
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