You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
Randomize
