you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
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