it's not cheating when I paid for it
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
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