i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
Randomize
