I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
Randomize
