I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Randomize
