honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
Randomize