anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
Randomize
