yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
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