After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
