Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
Randomize
