I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
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