well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
Randomize