just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
Randomize
