have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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