i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
Randomize
