You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
Randomize
