I want to walk on stilts...naked
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
