I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
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