his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
He kissed a someone with a penis
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
Randomize
