Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
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