Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
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