Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
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