That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
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