i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Randomize
