i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
All the doctor said was why
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
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