wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
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