we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
Randomize
