do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
Randomize
