I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
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