K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize