My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
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