he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Randomize
