i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
Randomize
