They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
Randomize
