Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Randomize
