I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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