I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
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