i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
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