I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
Randomize
