Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
Boobs speak an international language.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
Randomize
