Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
Randomize