she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
Randomize
