4 words: hood of his car
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
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