I'm so fucking centered right now
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
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