I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
goodnight i made you a song goodbye
The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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