He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
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