After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
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