My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
Randomize
